


Sweet Sensations

by orphan_account



Category: A Channel
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Closeted Character, Clubbing, F/F, First Kiss, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 02:53:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6220735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Tooru confesses, after school ends. After all they were, Run looked at her with blank eyes.</p><p>"Tooru, gomen. I-"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In two pieces.

   "I love you." Tooru said, and her voice was too loud. She had been terrified it would be too quiet.

  
    "I love you too." Run said, but her eyes were bright and blank, a smile hanging from her lips. "Are you okay?"

  
   "No. I- I really love you." Easier to say that time, and smoother. A certainty. Something unshakeable.

  
   Tooru was seventeen.

  
   Run blinked, and then Tooru was kissing her.

  
:

  
   "Ah, Tooru!"

  
    Tooru smiled at Miporin, who was waving at her from the entrance gate to the high school. She hadn't seen her all summer, and the change was a little extreme. Her body seemed softer, more feminine, and she had barrettes clipped in her hair. Yutaka was standing beside her, looking unchanged from the first day she had met her.

  
   "Hello." Tooru said, and Yutaka pounced, smooshing their faces together.

  
   "Tooooooooruuuun. I missed you! Why didn't we hang out this summer?"

  
   "Ah." Tooru said, pulling back a little. "I wasn't in town."

  
: 

  
   "Tooru." Run whispered, and her eyes were so wide. Tooru's mouth felt strange, as though it no longer belonged to her. As though by kissing her, her mouth belonged to Run.

  
   "Tooru, gomen." Run paused then opened her mouth. “I-“

  
: 

  
   "Where did you go?" Yutaka asked, but the bell rang before Tooru could say she didn't know.

  
   She thought she might still be there, though.

  
:

  
   "Tooru, gomen."

  
:

  
   Tooru sat alone in the cafe, watching the people around her. It had been strange to sit in a cafe alone, the first time. She had always had Run with her, ever since she was old enough to go out alone.

  
   Even though it wasn't alone.

  
   

   It felt lonely now. Her drink sat almost untouched in front of her, the ice cubes slowly bleeding cold water. She had her phone on the table, but she wasn't using it, wasn’t even pretending to.

  
   Tooru saw him coming before he got to her table. Had Run been here, she would have been up in arms. It was just her.

  
   "Hey."

  
   "Hello."

  
   "Are you alone?"

  
   Such a personal question.

  
   "I'm waiting for someone." She answered calmly, and he laughed, rubbing his head sheepishly.

  
   "I thought so. You're too cute to be here by yourself."

  
   As he left she thought it wasn't really a lie. She was waiting for someone. They just weren't coming.

  
: 

  
   She had confessed on the last day before Run had moved to the city. Run and Yuuko had gotten into the same college, and had planned to get an apartment together. Tooru had planned on joining them there the next year.

  
    When she had told Run that, Run had laughed, a little confused.

   
   "Ah, I was just thinking, I can't tell mom. She'll try and get me accepted into a better college, haha."

  
   "Why?" Tooru had asked, confused. "Does she not like the one you chose?"

  
   "Not for you." Run had said, and her eyes had looked a little sad. "You could do so much better than me."

  
:

  
   Where was she supposed to apply now?

  
:

  
   "Ah. Hello?"

  
   "Tooru?"

  
   "Nagi?" Tooru answered, feeling surprised. She hadn't heard from Nagi since she'd left. She too had moved for college, but not to the same place as Run and Yuuko. She remembered, in a foggy way, that Yuuko had been upset about it.

  
   "Hey, do you want to get an apartment with me next year?"

  
   "Huh?"

  
   "Apply here. I hate the dorms."

  
   “Why?” Tooru asked.

  
   A pause. She could hear Nagi breathing on the line, and wondered if Nagi could hear her own soft breaths.

  
   “I want you to.” Nagi answered.

  
   "Ah-Yes. Okay. I will."

  
   "Good." Nagi said, and that was that.

  
:

  
   Tooru had asked Run, impossibly long ago, to never change. And she hadn’t.

  
   Tooru had.

  
:

  
   "You got in?"

  
   "I got in." Tooru said, and she could hear Nagi making clapping sounds on the other side of the phone.

  
   "Yay! Good for you. I know? Why don't I come home this weekend, and we can go out to celebrate? My treat."

  
   "Okay." Tooru said, and she felt a brief flare of excitement, something heavy rolling over in the pit of her stomach. "I'll invite two of my friends as well."

  
   "Okay. It's a date."

  
:

  
   Neither of them mentioned Run. Tooru thought that was the easiest way to tell Nagi knew.

  
:

  
   The strangest thing about Run being gone was how quickly it had happened. Tooru had confessed (had kissed her, she was stupid, so stupid) on the day Run left for the city. She got on a train later that day. Tooru wasn’t even there to send her off. Tooru was lying on her floor, Carbonation held tightly in her arms as she cried until she made herself sick.

  
   Run called, and called, until Tooru put her phone in a box in her closet. She couldn’t turn it off though, and until it died, she’d sit on her floor, and listen to the box rattle in her closet.

  
   But the calls stopped.

  
   Run was gone.

  
   And Tooru was alone.

  
   Years, and it took one kiss to tear it (them) apart.

  
:

  
   "Hey! Tooru!" Nagi shouted, waving as she stepped off the train, and Tooru smiled, feeling happier than she would have thought. It had been a long time since she had been with someone outside of school. "Long time no see!"

  
   "Hey." Tooru said, and then Nagi hugged her, pulling her into the warmth of her arms, surprisingly strong for her frame.

  
   It was embarrassing to admit, even to herself, that yes she was almost crying just at being hugged so tightly.

  
   Maybe she was lonelier than she thought.

  
:

  
   "So, how have you been?" Nagi asked, twirling her straw in her drink absently. She looked different, more relaxed. Her hair was cut short, and hung in messy waves to her ears, which had tiny earrings, two sets in each. Even her glasses had changed, from serious silver frames, to slimmer black rimmed squares that highlighted her eyes.

  
   "You look good." Tooru said abruptly, and then blushed, dropping her eyes down to her drink.

  
   "Thanks." Nagi said, and Tooru could hear the laughter in her voice. "I like being out of town. I think it suits me."

  
   "Sorry you had to come back for me." Tooru said, and her voice was half joking, but Nagi smiled at her seriously.

  
   "I don't mind Tooru. Now, how have you been? And no dodging the question."

  
:

  
   Tooru had been lonely.

  
   She didn’t say that of course, but she thinks that maybe Nagi could tell.

  
:

  
   That night, when Nagi was rolled up in a futon on her floor, Tooru stared at her ceiling.

  
   "Nagi..." She started, and then paused.

  
   "You know." Nagi responded, as though Tooru hadn't spoken. "Run called me after you confessed. I always knew. I think only Run was truly surprised."

  
   Tooru swallowed hard, blinking back sudden tears.

  
   "It's okay." Nagi said, her voice coming from nowhere and everywhere in the dark, and Tooru rolled onto her side, so Nagi couldn't hear her crying.

  
:

   
   "Ah, Nagi, this is Yutaka and Miporin. They're some of my friends from class."

  
   "Ah, a cool, intellectual type!" Yutaka shouted, pointing at Nagi. "She's even wearing glasses. Nice catch, Tooru!"

  
   "Yutaka, hush." Miporin said, smiling, and gave Nagi a short wave. "Nice to meet you. Ignore her, she's an idiot."

  
   "Mipooooooriiiiiiin." Yutaka snuffled, and grabbed Tooru in an impromptu hug. "She's so mean, Tooru."

  
   "Gomen, Nagi." Tooru said, embarrassed, but Nagi was laughing, waving away the comment.

  
   "No, you all are so lively! It's refreshing. What should we go do first?"

  
:

  
   “Ah, Toorun! Remember that time when that underclassman confessed?”

  
   Tooru groaned, her face heating up. She avoided Nagi’s face, wary of what it would show. She had never been popular with boys her age while Run was around. To busy being territorial, and in love.

  
   “She told him ‘I’m sorry but I cannot accept your proposal. I wish you the best in life.’ Like something out of a samurai movie!”

  
   Nagi laughed, a low sound, and Tooru took a quick sip of her drink, just for something to do with her hands. The restaurant they were in was somewhere downtown, with low lights. Nagi had chosen it (‘My treat!’), and Tooru thought it must be nice from the glances Miporin and Yutaka had exchanged.

  
   “Ah, I wish I could’ve seen that.” Nagi said, and Yutaka nodded furiously.

  
   “I’m sure you will. Tooru is very popular, because she’s so small.”

   
   “Yutaka.”

  
   “I’m sure that’s not the only reason.” Nagi said, and Tooru couldn’t interpret the smile that was sent her way. Wasn’t sure she was ready to. It was soft and warm, and made Tooru blush more than she already was.

  
:

  
   The apartment they chose was close to the school, but not so close as to be expensive. It sat on a busy market street corner, three floors up, and the air conditioner was old and cranky. Tooru loved it. Nagi talked about the lighting, and where they could put furniture, while Tooru lay flat on the floor, rolling back and forth on the hardwood until her shirt rode up and her face was red. Carbonation darted in and out of half packed boxes, ears twitching wildly.

  
   It could be home. It was already something new.

  
:

  
   Nagi took her to the campus and showed her around. It was a strange mix, with serious graphic art students bustling the halls with laptops, business majors talking rapidly into phones, and huge open air art rooms. Tooru liked it well enough.

  
   When Tooru had imagined college with Run, she hadn’t imagined a place.

  
   It was two weeks until class started though, so when Nagi asked if she’d like to go out, Tooru said yes.

  
:

  
   It was strange hanging out with only Nagi. They had only been friends for two years, and then hadn’t spoken for another year. Their conversations seemed disjointed, and sometimes Nagi smiled at her, and Tooru didn’t know why.

  
   Tooru woke up before her, and set out breakfast if Nagi hadn’t worked the night before. She did late nights at a bookstore in the shopping district, and sometimes came home at three or four, worn out but pleased.

  
   Nagi woke up only thirty minutes after her, but later if she had worked. It was strange, and not strange at all to see Nagi wander past her in just a t-shirt, and underwear. Nagi had long, pale legs, and her thighs were smooth where they joined to her hip.

  
   Tooru tried not to watch her too much.

  
:

  
   Classes were about what Tooru had expected. She did well, and answered quietly, and called Miporin or Yutaka on her break to see how they were doing.

  
:

  
   They were always doing well, but Tooru could never remember the specifics.

  
:

  
   One day, Tooru came home and saw Yuuko sitting in the living room with Nagi. Her hair was pulled up, showing off a slender neck, and she was wearing dressier clothes than Tooru remembered in high school. She really did look like a model. Tooru opened her mouth and then closed it.

  
   Her throat tightened. Was Run-

  
   “Ah. Tooru.” Nagi called, and Yuuko turned. Tooru couldn’t read her face at all, didn’t want to. Didn’t want to think about the things Run could have told her. She felt like she was a nasty secret and her mouth burned with the silence in the room. “Welcome home.”

  
   “Thanks.” Tooru answered, slipping off her shoes. Carbonation wound circles around her feet.

  
   “Want to come talk with us?” Nagi asked. Yuuko nodded smiling, but Tooru could read her face now. Pity.

  
   “No.” Tooru replied, her heart beating out the words. “I’m going out. I just came to get changed.”

  
:

  
   She was sitting in another café, alone again. The parfait she had ordered was melting in front of her. A guy stopped in front of her table. She had seen this one coming as well.

  
   “Hello.”

  
   “Hi.” She answered. Her phone buzzed, but she didn’t look at it.

  
   “Are you alone?”

  
   “Yes.” She breathed. She didn’t feel like lying anymore today.

  
:

  
   It was nightfall, and he took her to a club, something dark, and loud. She lost him, somewhere in the crowd, and was glad. She didn’t know why she was here. She didn’t know why she was anywhere. Everything felt useless.

  
   “Hi.” A voice by the bar called, and Tooru turned. The woman was taller than her, a few years older, her hair long and curled. She looked like no one Tooru knew. “Can I buy you a drink?”

  
   Tooru swallowed, before nodding.

  
   The woman smiled like a fox.

  
:

  
   Sometime later, they were kissing. Her mouth felt sweet and wet against Tooru’s, and her body was so soft. Tooru didn’t know where to put her hands. She was so used to being unable to touch wherever she wanted to. Her body felt heavy with the drinks the woman had bought her.

  
   They had gone to the back of the club, and the woman had laughed at her obvious anxiety. By the time the woman had asked her if she’d like to go somewhere else, Tooru was twisted with anticipation.

  
   The woman laughed a little into her mouth, and slid her fingers up Tooru’s skirt, rubbing her in small wet circles until Tooru was shuddering and gasping in her arms. She felt like she was splintering apart.

  
:

  
   “You’re home late.” Nagi said, when she walked through the door.

  
   Tooru nodded unsure of what to do, or to say. She watched helplessly as Nagi’s eyes narrowed to where the fox’s mouth had left small bruises along her neck, easily visible with her loose top.

  
   “You want some breakfast?” Nagi asked, and Tooru nodded.

  
   She didn’t see Yuuko again, for almost a whole semester.

  
:

  
   “Tooru, gomen. I-“

  
   I what? She finished that sentence over and over some nights, wishing she had been brave enough to stay and hear her.

  
:

  
   “Tooru, wanna come out with me and some friends?” Nagi asked, and Tooru turned from where she was washing dishes. Nagi was on the phone, peering around the doorway at her, waiting for an answer. Torru nodded quickly, and turned back, as Nagi’s chatter filled the room.

  
:

  
   It was five other people they met up with, piling into an already full train. They seemed nice, more girls than boys, and none of them looked at her as though she was too young to be with them.

  
   When they reached the theater, Nagi bought her ticket, and her soda.

  
   “My treat.” Nagi said cheerfully, when Tooru looked at her quizzically.

  
:

  
   “Ah, I heard this new club opened up downtown.”

   
   “Shiro, yeah?”

  
   “Yeah, I wanted to check it out.”

  
   “Isn’t that a gay club?”

  
   Tooru felt her whole body stiffen in a long arrow of tension and fear.

  
   “Yeah, I think so. Let’s go.”

  
   “It’s cool with me.”

  
   “You coming Nagi?”

  
   “Tooru?” Nagi asked, and her eyes were painfully kind.

  
   Tooru just nodded, afraid if she breathed she’d break.

  
:

  
   Tooru stumbled onto the train that night, Nagi holding her hand. Her head felt woozy, and her limbs seemed weighed down. Nagi was waving to her friends, and Tooru tried to help but it just pulled them off balance, rattled them together, and made Nagi laugh. It was as if Tooru had rattled the sounds out of her, and it made Tooru smile.

  
   “Nagi.” She murmured, and leaned into her, snuggling into the soft weight of Nagi’s body, ignoring the other girl’s gasp. The car they were on was practically deserted.

  
   Nagi maneuvered them onto a seat, Tooru wiggling closer to her at every opportunity. Nagi meant warmth, and safety. That used to be Run, but it wasn’t anymore.

  
   Run had left.

  
   Run didn’t want her.

  
   “Run…” Tooru murmured, and was too sleepy to feel Nagi stiffen under her.

  
:

  
   “Why are we in the manga section?” Tooru asked, standing behind Nagi. Nagi had been perusing the shelves for a while now, one small finger tracing over shiny paper spines.

  
   “Ah. I was just looking for- Woah.”

  
   “What?”

  
   “Look it’s that same volume where the girl had Yuuko’s face?”

  
   Tooru stepped forward, leaning over Nagi’s shoulder to look, and sure enough it was the exact same volume as last time. Or. Wait.  
“No, look. It’s not the same. I think it’s just the same artist.”

  
   Nagi nodded, checking the spine. “Yeah, look this came out only a few months ago.”

  
   Nagi flipped a few more pages, and Tooru tilted her head, trying to make sense of what they were looking at.

  
   “He’s gotten more creative.” Nagi said finally, and Tooru huffed a laugh against her neck. She didn’t notice her shiver.

  
:

  
   “Nagi?” Tooru called, flicking a light on. “Are you home?”

  
   “Yeah! I’m back here!”

  
   Tooru slipped her shoes off, and padded towards her voice, enjoying the slickness of the wooden floor. Carbonation mewed in the other room.

  
   “In the kitchen?” Tooru called, and Nagi answered by peering at her around the doorway, the tiniest fluff of an apron visible on her shoulder.

  
    “Yeah, I’m making omelet rice.”

  
    Tooru smiled.

  
    Nagi smiled back at her, mouth soft and easy, the hint of a blush staining her cheeks, before disappearing back around the corner.  
And that.

  
   That was new.

  
   But Tooru kind of liked it. She smiled and followed after her.

 


	2. Part II

   “Are you working tonight?” Tooru called from the kitchen, spatula held loosely in one hand. “Do you want a bento?”

  
   Carbonation sat by her feet, looking hopeful for a stray morsel. Tooru frowned at Nagi’s continued silence. Untying the apron, she switched off the stove, and started for the door.

  
   “Nagi. Do you want-“

  
   “Look, I just don’t think- Tooru. Um.”

  
   Tooru tried to peer around Nagi, but the other girl was a wall in front of the door.

  
   “Nagi, who is…” Her voice died, as Nagi sighed, and stepped a little to the side. Run was standing there. She was barely recognizable, no longer sporting the tiny clips, but her hair long enough to leave her forehead bare. Tooru’s mouth went dry.

  
  What did she, how did she.

  
   “Hello, Tooru.” Run said, and her eyes were uncomfortably kind. Tooru felt stupid, and small, and pitiably young. She wanted to look at Nagi, but didn’t know how to pull her eyes away from Run. Run, who she hadn’t seen in almost a year. Longer.

  
   It had been forever since she’d seen her.

  
   She wasn’t much taller, but her hair had lengthened, and her chin had softened, making her face seem more rounded and open. Sweeter. Tooru was so used to following the sharp point of Nagi’s chin with her eyes it was startling to look at. She looked up, and met Run’s eyes, warm, bright and so heartbreakingly kind.

  
   “Hello, Run.”

  
:

  
   “So how have your classes been?” Run asked Nagi. Tooru sat to the side, examining her menu. The laminate was sticky under her fingers, but the napkins were beside Run.

  
   “Good, good. I took advanced design this year, so it’s been busy.” Nagi smiled, but Tooru could sense teeth lurking at the bottom of that smile. It was the same smile Nagi wore when a contestant she disliked on a game show was about to lose.

  
   When had Tooru begun noticing Nagi’s smiles?

  
   Run hmmed, and then turned on Tooru. It was strange to see her without the ponytail. Like losing some of her. Like Tooru had lost something of herself.

  
   “How about you, Tooru?”

  
   “She’s been great!” Nagi said, and turned to Tooru with a smile. It was the kind of smile that said ‘take my hand’. “She’s been fitting in really well. All the girls in my art class love her! We went clubbing a few weeks ago, and had a blast. You know Tooru.”

  
   Run looked lost.

  
   As if she wasn’t sure she knew Tooru at all.

  
:

  
   “I’m sorry.” Nagi told her. The train took a sharp turn, swinging them together. Tooru still had to stretch to reach the handle grip. “It was an unannounced visit.”

  
   “It’s ok.” Tooru murmured, and then the jerking of the train knocked their hands sharply together, and Nagi took in a sharp hissing breath. Tooru pulled back, as though wounded, but Nagi was already reaching for her, grabbing at her wrist.

  
   Her big brown eyes were worried, and Tooru didn't understand why Nagi was jerking her closer, pressing her face first against her chest, and then Tooru burst into tears, wet, and stifled. She could feel her face burning at the publicity of the event, but Nagi hugged her close, their hands tangled together.

  
   "It's not ok." Nagi said, stubborn as anything and Tooru huffed a laugh, wet but sure under her chin.

  
   "I'm ok." And even as she said it, Tooru realized it was true. She pulled away from Nagi slowly, wiping at her face. "I'm really ok."

  
   She blinked up at the older girl, as Nagi leaned forward, face unreadable and kissed her. In broad daylight, on a public train Tooru's senpai held her chin between slim firm fingers smelling of oils and turpentine, and kissed her soundly.

  
   It was everything she used to dream of.

  
   She pulled back slowly, and Tooru was smiling, had been smiling into the kiss.

  
   "We're ok." And Nagi closed her eyes and laughed, the train moving them together and apart, together and apart.

 

**Author's Note:**

> For more rare-pairs, anime angst, fake high-school girlfriends and adorable fluff, come see me on [tumblr](honeyedlion.tumblr.com)!


End file.
